It’s been over a month since I’ve signed off. It was a good break well needed and deserved.
Spent some really great quality time with my family, and had a lot of time to think. To think about what’s really important …to me.
You see, it’s been three weeks since my daughter left to college. I’m still not use to it. I still wait for my girl to come home from work at night. She usually got off around 11pm and got home about ten till midnight.
At mid day I still feel like she’s coming home from school. Her last year of high school she was on half days so she’d be home by noon.
And my son still goes into her room looking to play with her and when he can’t find her, he asks when is she coming home from work. Damn that’s fucking hard.
It’s only been 3 weeks so I understand why I still feel like this. But the truth is, I’m not sure this feeling will go away for a long time, especially now with the holidays so close. Shit, we got Halloween next month. That’s our favorite holiday.
I’m sure it’ll get better with time. She’s on to lead a great life. She’s making great moves for herself. She’s getting an education. What more can I ask for right.
Anyway, I’m back online, but things will be different. As I said earlier, I had some time to think, really think hard and clear on what’s really important to me.
With my oldest girl off to lead her life, my youngest girl 13, and my son only 3, I realized that life if just to damn short and goes by to fucking fast. I mean that hit me hard, like a ton of bricks on the last day with my girl.
We spent a week with her down by her college. We was helping her get situated. Buying stuff she needed for her room, and just having a good time together.
On the last night, she slept over with us at our hotel room. I guess that was her way of spending one last night with her family ya know. Anyway, I didn’t sleep shit. I stood awake all night till morning.
All kinds of thoughts and memories cross my mind. I was happy, sad, angry. Angry at life for fucking going so fast. And right then and there I broke down crying. Tears was falling down so hard that it left tracks on my face.
I remembered back when I first left home how my mom was so sad and crying. In didn’t understand. I was only 16. I my mind I thought, Why she crying. It’s not like I’m going forever. But now I understand. I’m the oldest of three and was the first to “leave the nest”. And so was my girl.
On our way back home, (a three and a half hour drive) all I could think about was how I was going to do things differently.
My family is all I got. It’s what’s most important to me. It’s why I do what I do with this thing of ours. It’s the only thing that matters.
I’m more focus and clearer than ever before.